I don’t know what it means to be me. But God has sent his Holy Spirit to me a couple of times and engulfed me with pure Love. I knew that I could ask anything and it would be answered. I asked why I had been hurt for so long by so many. The answer was so that I could be there at that moment with Him. I have never and will never be more in Love. I asked for my purpose and the answer was to be a warrior. I still don’t know what that means. I loved everyone, even child molesters and murderers. I just loved them and saw a divine light in everyone. Everybody glowed like angels. It was as if it had always been like this but I was choosing not to see it before. I even loved the grain of sand that was on the ground, and I felt it love me back. I wanted to stand up in Church and YELL! “Hey don’t you see that you don’t have to be sad? Don’t you know that you are loved? Open your Hearts! Open your EYES! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS? If you did you wouldn’t be here like this. You would be talking to each other, laughing and hugging and loving each other, that’s how you show God Love. You would be just smiling and loving each other.” I think I should’ve done it but I was afraid that they would think I was crazy. Then one day I hoped it would never leave. Then it was gone. My friends and family looked at me like I was crazy when I told them. I ended up falling from grace and hurting myself and others. I had anger problems and self abuse habits. Then I lost sight of the love in the world and felt alone. I was desperate. Then I literally fell onto a prayer that was in a book on the floor of my trashed bedroom. I read it and my pain was Gone. I tried changing my life. I decided to seek God and Find God again. I Felt like a failure over and over again. I grew angry and resentful, and jealous. I didn’t understand. Then not too long ago I was going to kill myself. God put a person that has hurt me the most and made him help me see the good again. Not like before but I know it’s there now. I gave up my free will to make plans and chose only to follow. I don’t know where this will lead me. My Friends think it’s crazy or that I’m being a goody shoes. They think that I’m over the edge on my Quest for God. But I don’t think anyone can go to far on that. How can you love too much? I’m back on my quest and a couple of nights ago Gods face appeared on the crinkles of a poster in my sons room facing my bed through the doorways. It Looks just like the shroud of Jesus. He doesn’t look happy. I don’t know what to do. Please pray that I do the right thing.
Christie Marie Herrera
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