July 26, 2009

oh my…..who shall believe
…..i hesitate, ….but i shall tell you all whether you think me
arrogant or delusional…..

i was driving home from work……

wondering after the homeless man i would see each day, the weather in
iowa gets so cold in january….

.i wished for my own death, not by suicide….but i was willing to be
put to death, placing my life in the hands of the god who gave me
life…..

.i was willing for whatever he would want to do to me…..

.somehow i looked up, smile—-while driving….
.looked up in spirit or mind or flesh, whatever state i cannot say…..

.but i looked up

and saw the face of my dearest friend, a face covered with bruises,
cuts and bloodied…
oh, ……and those eyes looked at me with silent compassion…..

.i looked in those compassionate eyes and saw love shining, glowing…..

.and something else…

. this love enthralled me because i saw another life inside who was the
love…

in an instant, with one look,

my heart leaped with joy for i knew this living love was god with my
whole heart and soul….

.and i was given life and unspeakable love for my wish for death…

..i saw the back of my new friend with god in his eyes was covered with
terrible wounds

and i wanted to hide away, dig myself a hole and jump in,

because i knew i was responsible for causing many of the wounds…

…but the living love in those eyes held me enthralled ..

…i realized the greatest sin would be to turn away from the love in
those eyes to turn away from the love my friend paid for by accepting
with grace my wouds

……i had no strength in me to face this awesome love

whose name is wonderful…..beloved…..my dearest lord and king….

…but i was held up in my weakness

all fear was taken away,
my broken heart was healed,
my prison of guilt and shame vanished….

.then i was driving again,,

,,,no time had passed, an eternity had been expirienced,..

…..i shall never explain this well enough……how i became ancient
and new in an instant..

….this living love, this presence permeated all in all, is the beauty
at the heart of creation..

…i have no faith anymore……i have knowing..

..yet i am only a witness with no proof of god except for the tingle of
life inside me..

..and this is the precious gift and temple of my fond worship..

…life itself is the kingdom of heaven..

…but how silly of me to tell another what they already know inside
their own heart…

…and i call this living love…..father, mother, sister, brother, my
dearest friend and true beloved, lover, son, daughter and even
stranger..

..my god, my goddess and in truth my blessed comforter, the holy spirit
dwelling in the life that i am..

..and in thee my dearest friend…

….goddess bless you .

taj